Pulkit Reloaded

Since returning from Cairns, Pulkit is back in form. (Even though he has got a haircut.)
I thought of giving him the miss this time, but really he has been the centre of all our entertainment for the past few days and I can no longer deny him a place in this blog.

When Dillan asked the others how they were feeling ever since the attack on me, everyone answered appropriately, but Pulkit still khoya-hua in the clouds through which he had jumped during his last week trip (skydiving) said “Niiiiiiice”.

From numerous evidences, we concluded that his brain, mouth and ear run absolutely independent of each other. Even the next day, before going to the International Student Support Office, Pulkit had been given clear cut instructions by the rest of us, not to open his big mouth. He was doing well, till he was asked a direct question: “What’s your family’s reaction to this incident? Aren’t they concerned?”
Pulkit (in the most does-not-matter attitude and drooling the words) : “It was okayyyyy”
At least he didn’t say nice this time.
Ashwinny (quite surprised, while others try controlling their giggles) : “Do you have many brothers and sisters? Is it a large family?”
Pulkit (completely unaware that a new question has been put forth) : “Attacks keep on happening…”
We know of his impairment. Ashwinny didn’t and so you could imagine what she might have thought.

Pulkit tries to make peace with ‘sound' in his way, but he always makes matters worse. For one thing, he uses words like ‘zoom’, ‘zing’, ‘dhish’, abundantly in his sentences, and in most occasions inappropriately. Sometimes even the verbs get replaced by these phonetics. A standard road direction from Pulkit: “‘Zoom’ straight till there and then ‘zapp’ to the left.”
Another example: “Just do ‘thish thish’ and you will get the answer”. He meant “just google it.” When no one understood him, he said “Arrey yeh to normal hai.” But we do not blame him coz we know of his screwed sense of normalcy. Whenever he claims something is good, we get convinced that it is no good. (For example he says that it should be normal for people to go around without clothes.)

He tries to sing as well. But we dearly wish that he gives up trying. At any moment, he has this rare ability to catch random songs and distort them beyond recognition. As Jai put it, “Lyrics, music sab ki maa-behn karke chhorta hai launda”