Follow the instructions

Dillan mailed me yesterday about some details that (she thought) I would require. That included parts which made me feel I am a double O.
An extract:

The key safe is located to right of the entrance to the building. Enter “112B” into key pad, turn dial to right and open key safe door. There will be an envelope inside with your name, which will contain your room number and key (this key unlocks the front door entrance to the building also).
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You will be met by Azmir Rabian on Monday morning at 9.00am – at the ground floor lobby to the apartments.

I appreciate the attention to the details. But then it went on to say more…

Now people had so far given varied advice. Ma said not to go out alone. Dida said not to go out at all. (She was in plain disbelief that I would be able to go all the way alone). Baba spoke of the monetary matters and documents. I got advice on cooking. Apparently I’ll have to cook my own meal there and I am not exactly looking forward to that. Sanjay-da (of SINP) suggested that I should take sufficient ‘muri’. What the Customs would allow, what they won’t. Then there is Aritra. He asked me to put my morality to rest, and if in doubt, just to ping him and he would do the rest. Let’s see if I require you. ;-) There has been recommendations about how I should dress and stuff. Some people had asked me to take lots of photographs, and some of them (read Diptarka) were pretty specific about the preferred subject of the photos. Even T2 (the Telegraph additional) chimed in with some what to do-s and where to go-s today.

But, the instruction set that I got, spoke of certain things some of which were important, some were not so important and some were unimportant. Another extract (with my comments in nonitalicized font):

Please keep the following in mind:
· If an Australian is invited to a meal, he or she may take a small gift, chocolates or a bottle of wine, to the host. If Australians tell you to “bring your own plate”, they mean bring a plate with some food to share;
That is interesting. Imagine a sitution where I take the saying literally…

· Do not push ahead of others who are waiting in a queue;
I didn’t know that. Thank God, they told me.

· It is not polite to ask a person about his or her income, marital status or religion;
· Australians generally stand about an arm’s length from each other when in conversation. In general people will feel uncomfortable if you invade this personal space;
I assure you I’ll try my best. But the important question here is: Whose arm is the author talking of?

· You are not normally expected to tip for services. If the service has been particularly good, especially in expensive restaurants, you may wish to do so
I will definitely allow her to wish for me if she wishes to.

· Remember to say “thank you” to shop assistants, ticket sellers, and waiters when you are served;
· Goods in retail shops are sold at a fixed price, mild bargaining is commonly used in the open-air markets;
· It is normal for Australians to use either a tissue or handkerchief when blowing their nose. Clearing your throat noisily, blowing your nose in front of others, and not using a handkerchief or a tissue paper are all frowned upon.

Someone should tell the author of this instruction set that it is the norm in any civilized nation and India is one of them.

Appropriate and Inappropriate Behaviour
Unacceptable behaviour – in many places there are laws against unacceptable behaviour including spitting in public, swearing, talking indecently, or urinating in public;
I think this is the Slumdog effect.

Alcohol – alcohol can be legally served to any person over the age of 18. It is also a common part of Australian students’ parties. Do not feel pressure or be shy to refuse if you do not want to.
Not all Indians are Rajesh Koothrappali please.

Humour – Australians value a person’s ability to laugh at him or herself. Comments that might seem disrespectful or inappropriate are usually intended to be humorous icebreakers. These are signs that the person feels comfortable with you, rather than intended to hurt you.
Interesting….


Armed with all these details I set out in half-an-hour. Let’s find out what’s in store...